Is life happening to you or around you?
Are you so caught up in acting as a participant in what is going on in your life that you have forgotten to be an observer? These things are some of the reasons we as individuals feel lost, angry, frustrated, and disheartened. We start blaming everything and everyone for what is happening in our lives that we forget that we can step back and observe and CHOOSE to make a change when change is needed.
Let me explain by telling you a story…
Almost 5 years ago I lost my Mom to end stage liver disease caused by Hepatitis C. She contracted the disease as an IV drug user, and unfortunately she lived a long life of horrible addiction. Not only did I watch my mother battle her addiction, I also had to accept and realize that we, her children and family, came second in her life. Her next fix was the most important thing to her, not that she was happy about that, but unfortunately it is what was true.
Now I tell you this to lay a foundation. See I was so frieking angry with her all the time. I felt resentment, abandoned, less than, unwanted, unloved, and downright angry! I mean I was blinded by my anger. When she passed away I looked at every addict like they were the enemy. You guys I am telling you, my soul felt like it was being eaten up by darkness. I was so heartbroken that she would choose a chemical over her own children, commonly landing her in prison for a new crime or some violation to her parole. Kids teased me at school and called the “jailbirds daughter”, teased me because I lived with my grandparents and I didn’t have a mom or dad. I was gutted every time one of my friends would tell me something they did with their mom. I felt Momless…
One day I was chatting with a friend about how I felt. I was trying to move through some old limiting beliefs and just couldn’t seem to shake free from the worthiness issues I was holding onto because of my relationship I had with my Mom. She asked me, “Lesley, are you done being a participant in this relationship with your Mom? You are not going to heal from this until you take a step back and become the observer. You need to realize your Mom didn’t do this TO you. Your Mom was sick, yet somehow her soul chose this life, these lessons, this path. Are you ready to step back, see that you can choose a different path. Your Mom did these things to herself…even your grief she had to carry with guilt.”
It was in that moment my brain and my soul hit the brakes. I knew I needed to step back and look at this.
How did I really feel about my Mom?
With the help of using some of my fav essential oils, and journaling I realized, as I observed my life and relationship with my Mom, that I felt pity for her. I was angry that she didn’t let me love her the way I wanted, I was sad that she didn’t show me the Motherly love I longed for my entire life, and I felt cheated that she left me so soon. I realized that I was playing an active participant in the negative emotions, allowing for my limiting beliefs to be fed with this energy instead of changed by choosing to see things differently.
See my Mom was a loving woman who would have given a stranger the shirt off her back if they needed it. She was not selfish, she was kind, she was a free bird that you couldn’t tie down even if you tried. Anybody who had the pleasure of meeting her knew right away what a diamond in the rough she was.
I had to step back and remember that I chose this life with her. The choice to be her daughter, and everything that happened between us helped to shape me into the woman, wife, mother, and teacher that I am today. I begin to choose to see these moments as lessons, as experiences to learn from, as moments to remember her struggle, and love her for all that she was able to give me.
How have I changed my perception?
Life is not perfect, it’s not always easy, but it’s our beautiful messy journey. She did the best she could, and now it’s my turn to do the best I can. So I look at things with love now, that does not mean I give people permission to hurt me, but it does allow me to see the bigger picture. For instance, I now can separate the human from the addiction, and love them for their human struggle and their wins when they have them. When we separate the fact that life isn’t happening to us, and that we have a choice of how we allow it to affect us, that is when you take back your power and are able to stand in your truth.
I will close by now asking you: Is life happening to you or around you? Will you make the choice to choose again when you feel that negativity creeping in? Will you become the observer so you can see the message in the mess?
I love you and I hope that this brings you some peace, that it allows for you to take a breath and change the way you see things in your life. If ever you want to work on shedding any of this please reach out! I still have a couple coaching spots that I can offer. Connect with me HERE and we can schedule a call to see if what I have is a fit for you.
With Love and Light,
PS… If you want to know more about how essential oils can help you heal click HERE to check out my story